A First Look on Your Wedding Day: Exploring the Debate

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Happy Friday y’all! I hope you have had an amazing week, and even more than that I hope you have something fun that you’re looking forward to doing this weekend. If you need a recommendation, I went to see Twisters last weekend and it was sooo good!

One of the more … shall we say “controversial” topics that I get asked about as an intimate wedding & elopement photographer is the First Look. To do or not to do, that is the question. And while I definitely have my thoughts and opinions (which, don’t worry, I’ll share with you below), I always always always want you to remember that your wedding day is your wedding day. Whatever feels right and authentic for you is what you should do. *The photos I’ve included in this blog post are from a wedding where the bride chose to do private first looks with her father and her step-father.  

Where did the tradition of the groom not seeing the bride before the ceremony on the wedding day even come from? 

The tradition of brides and grooms not seeing each other before the ceremony on the wedding day comes from the tradition of arranged marriages and the fear that either one of them would try to back out of the wedding. In some cultures, the engaged couple wouldn’t even meet until they were at the wedding. Even though arranged marriages are still in practice in some areas of the world, not seeing each other until the ceremony is definitely not a tradition that you should feel obligated to follow if it doesn’t mean anything to you personally. 

This is where doing a private first look comes into the picture.

What is a “First Look”?

A first look is a time set apart on the wedding day before the ceremony for the soon-to-be-newlyweds to see each other in their full wedding attire, hair, makeup, etc. Usually it’s done in a private setting, with or without the photographer present. A few variations of it are for the couple to read private vows to each other during the first look (and then do more traditional vows during the ceremony), to do a First Touch – holding hands around a door or a corner prior to the ceremony, or to do the first look with other family members or loved ones instead of with each other.

Where did the tradition of doing a private first look come from? 

Doing a private first look is definitely a modern tradition that is meant to help the wedding day timeline run more smoothly. Isn’t that funny? Creating a new tradition to fix the problems with the old tradition. 

Now let’s take a look at some of the pros and cons of doing a private first look. Since I tend to lean pro, let’s do cons first. 

Reasons not to do a private first look: 

• If you feel a deep, personal connection to the tradition of seeing your partner for the first time on your wedding day at the altar

Yep, that’s it. I actually googled “cons of doing a first look on your wedding day”, and there’s no other reasons I could find that I can actually get behind. I mean, if you have your own reason not to do a first look and it feels right and it makes sense for the wedding day you’re planning, then go for it! I’m 100% behind you! But to me, the “it’s what everyone does” reason just doesn’t feel right. 

Okay, moving on to pros. 

Reasons to do a private first look: 

• Carving out time that’s just for you and your partner on your wedding day is so special and really helps you to slow down and take it all in on a day that can easily become hectic and rushed
• If you and your partner decide to say traditional vows during your ceremony, doing a private first look gives you a chance to write your own vows and say them to each other
• I would be remiss as a wedding photographer if I didn’t say that one of the major reasons I am such a fan of private first looks is that doing one helps the entire timeline run much more smoothly – bridal party photos can be done before the ceremony, and golden hour can be dedicated to newlywed portraits
• The concept of the First Look is so versatile that it can be used for whatever you need it to be – with your parents, grandparents, siblings, best friends, or your partner

On my wedding day, we had our reception before the ceremony, and I wore a different dress to each. My husband and I didn’t do a “first look”, since we had already spent a lot of time together before the ceremony. Instead, I did a first look with my dad once I changed into my ceremony dress (see below for pics). It was so special and one of my favorite memories from my wedding day. That kind of first look was what felt right for us on our wedding day, and I wouldn’t trade those memories for anything. P.S. Don’t mind my veil having come undone on one side lol. Photos from the amazing Melissa Brielle Photography.

If I leave you with anything after reading this post, I hope it’s this: on your wedding day, no one gets to make the rules except for you. If you want to do a first look, do it! If you want to see your partner for the first time on your wedding day at the altar, do it! Listen, I’m more than happy to photograph your wedding day no matter what you choose to include.  

*All my blog posts contain a selection of images that I’ve taken. If you are interested in booking a wedding or session with me, I am more than happy to send you a full gallery upon request!

I’m a wife, a dog mom, a foodie, a wanderer, a registered nurse, and a couples/intimate wedding/elopement photographer … and this blog will cover it all! If you enjoyed this post, first of all thank you, and second of all please follow me on Instagram + Facebook and sign up for my monthly newsletter to get exclusive wedding planning advice and access to all of my new (and old) freebies! If you have any questions about elopement photography, my journey from nursing to photography, or my time spent as a full-time RVer, drop a comment and I just might write a blog post answering your question (but I definitely will)!

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