The content in this blog post first appeared in my monthly newsletter in November of 2025. Sign up here for first access to more content like this!
Hi Friend!
It’s November, it finally feels like Fall outside, the trees are changing colors, and I’ve shot so many incredible sessions these last few weeks! Check out my blog to see my most recent session posts. I could not be more excited for the holiday season coming up; I have so many fun things planned with family and friends, and I just know it’s going to be so special.
Today’s newsletter is all about *rehearsal dinners*, and I am so excited to be able to help you plan your rehearsal dinner – which has been a staple of American wedding tradition for the better part of a century – in the most low stress way possible, because around here we’re all about reducing wedding stress and having the most joyful wedding possible!
The History of Rehearsal Dinners
First, I will say that based on everything I found while researching the topic of rehearsal dinners, it is a predominantly American wedding tradition that grew out of the necessities of providing a meal for extended family who had traveled far for the wedding and creating an opportunity for the two families to meet before the wedding ceremony.
Beautiful, right? Until you think about the fact that the modern wedding industry has convinced us that wedding ceremonies need to be so performative that they require a rehearsal. And listen, I had a rehearsal for my wedding, and there were only 50 people in attendance (including my husband and me). And I am such a planner (and I have so much anxiety) that I could never ever look down on someone for wanting to rehearse their wedding ceremony.
But what I don’t subscribe to is the pressure that the industry puts on rehearsal dinners (and, honestly, weddings in general – that’s a topic for another day), to the point where it’s basically like you’re supposed to plan a second, slightly smaller, reception. So just in case no one else tells you this, it’s okay for your rehearsal dinner to be small and simple and informal.
Modern Rehearsal Dinners
Who Is Invited?
I would say that the bare minimum of people to be invited to the rehearsal dinner is anyone who is an active participant in the wedding ceremony that would have been at the rehearsal. This is bridesmaids, groomsmen, parents and siblings of the couple, and the officiant (if you want). Extended family and the significant others/families of the wedding party are often invited as well, but they don’t have to be if the budget doesn’t allow it.
Where Is It?
A lot of rehearsal dinners are at actual venues with catering and entertainment provided. But in my honest opinion that is not necessary. They can be just as nice at a restaurant or in someone’s home if they live locally. If I was in a wedding party, I would be more than happy to eat pizza in a parking lot. It’s not what you eat or where you are that your closest friends will care about, it’s who they’re with and who they’re celebrating.
Who Pays For It?
Traditionally the parents of the groom pay for the rehearsal dinner. That being said, the rules are changing as far as who pays for what at a wedding. Couples are paying for things themselves, parents of the couple are splitting costs straight down the middle … it’s more about what works for you and your families.
When Is It?
Typically rehearsal dinners are held the night before the wedding, right after the rehearsal. Sometimes two nights before the wedding, if that’s how the schedule works out.
What About Toasts?
Toasts have a long tradition at weddings and rehearsal dinners. My long answer is far too long for this newsletter, so my short answer to any question about toasts – whether at the rehearsal dinner or the reception – is to do whatever you want. It’s your wedding, and if you do or don’t want someone (or anyone at all) to give a toast, that decision is totally yours to make. And if anyone isn’t respecting that, maybe you should reevaluate their presence at your celebration.
Final Thoughts
Long story short, your rehearsal dinner should feel like a chill hang with all your best friends and closest family where you are nourished in preparation for the upcoming wedding festivities. And it shouldn’t feel stressful, awkward, or uncomfortable in any way (and by the way, this applies to your wedding, too). I hope this helps.
Because I believe so strongly that the wedding planning process should be as stress free as possible, I’ve created a bunch of wedding planning freebies to help you out. Click here to sign up for my monthly newsletter and have access to all my freebies (and never get any spam or ads!) with titles like “Boudoir Session Style Guide” + Boudoir Gallery, “30 Wedding Favor Ideas That Don’t Suck”, “Wedding Planning Dream Date Worksheet”, and so many more! Oh, and did I mention they’re FREE?! So yeah … definitely sign up.
*All my blog posts contain a selection of images that I’ve taken. If you are interested in booking a wedding or session with me, I am more than happy to send you a full gallery upon request!
I’m a wife, a dog mom, a foodie, a wanderer, a registered nurse, and a portraits/elopements/branding photographer … and this blog will cover it all! If you enjoyed this post, first of all thank you, and second of all please follow me on Instagram + Facebook and sign up for my monthly newsletter to get exclusive wedding planning advice and access to all of my new (and old) freebies! If you have any questions about elopement photography, my journey from nursing to photography, or my time spent as a full-time RVer, drop a comment and I just might write a blog post answering your question (but I definitely will)!
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